I haven't held down a blog... that is, a blog blog since college. I've dabbled with Myspace blogs and Facebook notes, but it's time I blogged again. As such, what better way to start than to dive right in with the current state of affairs at my current home and employer.
Last Sunday, after slogging through over 300 miles of monotonous interstate, half of those miles in the dark, I arrived home to a most unwelcome report. 14 cases of head lice at school. Including two of the kids that live with me. Cue Psycho music and a choppy, Man from Snowy River-esque zoom in, first on my coworker, who was very staid, then on my own horrified expression.
For those of you who have not lived with a lice infestation in recent years, you may have forgotten how instantly your scalp starts to itch after you've heard the news. I promptly felt a mixture of relief and alarm. Not to mention tiny insects scuttling about my scalp. Having spent the weekend in Philly, I knew that I could not possibly have it. But living not twenty feet from two 'infecteds', I was certainly at risk. The first day's work had been deftly handled by my support houseparents, but the worst loomed ahead.
Day two. 24 cases of lice. I immediately had my scalp checked for nits. Fingers were pointed at the children suspected of bringing us this delightful gift as if they were smuggling in deadly contraband. We'd successfully cleaned Lake Placid out of its entire supply of lice killing chemicals and turned to Saranac Lake for more supplies. Irresponsible decrees of 'bag and bury' came from above as the solution-du-jour for lice infested children.
By Day 3 with ever rising numbers, the powers that be developed a workable plan that involved replacing the infected sheets every morning and houseparents washing the clothing of the licey children daily as they cycled through the same three sets of clothing. The hatless rule in the dining room was chucked out the window, thankfully. I was waiting to see if my rabid co-teacher would tear into everyone for wearing scarves, kerchiefs and caps but she held her tongue. By Thursday she'd showed up in a kerchief herself.
I had five kids with the White Plague. Somehow, I've managed to escape getting it, even though I've been cleaning, bagging, washing and checking children for a full week. In one week, we'll be able to stop washing the kids clothes (and reclaim our valued free time).
Anyway, in an attempt to be humorous about the outbreak, a student and I crafted a long list of how our lives would change if the lice infestation perpetuated indefinitely.
We'd listen to musicians like Modest Louse, Louse of Pain, Lice Cube and Crowded Louse
and songs like "Lice, Lice Baby", "Brick Louse", "Cold as Lice" and "Louse of the Rising Sun"
We'd eat eggs and sticky lice for breakfast, lice cakes, lice cream, lice noodles and of course, pork fried lice. We'd drink Lice Dream brand lice beverage and Lice soda.
We'd watch movies like The Louse on Haunted Hill, Louse of Wax, The Cider Louse Rules, Life as a Louse and the Louse of Flying Daggers.
Literary parodies like Of Lice and Men and Little Louse on the Prairie become instant classics.
Die, Lice, Die.
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